“Before, I might have been judgmental, and said, ‘Oh, I would never cheat.’ But now, I understand."
It was very new for me. I had been a single parent before getting married for the second time. I was used to being very independent. I made more money, I was in school full-time, I was working full-time. I felt like a lot of the burden was on me.
I was just not happy in the relationship. I was ready to leave. But he was being very passive-aggressive, he was not addressing anything. He just thought everything was good. It was very hard for me to let him discipline my children. Even just letting him make decisions for the family as a whole. I was so used to doing it, and having to do it, that I pretty much pushed him away. He just backed off and let me be in charge, which was a problem for me.
I was used to a man being very strong and authoritative. And he was not that. I ended up getting into this relationship with this coworker. I think it was partly because he stimulated me intellectually. We had the job in common. We had school in common; he had multiple degrees, like me. We loved to travel. The answer would always be no. If I wanted to travel? If I wanted to go to dinner? So, my affair partner was someone I felt compatible with at the time, intellectually and physically.
We began this affair. Again, it was really strictly a work thing. We worked long, hour shifts, so we were able to talk and chat during that time. That type of thing. About two years. I think my husband suspected something. He would say little things, and drop little hints.
Dear Fifi: I cheated on my husband - and honestly? I'm not sorry
But he would never directly ask me. Of course not. I knew, in my heart, that it was wrong. But I was planning on leaving him. So I planned my exit to leave my husband.
I was preparing to move. I got a separate place. I was preparing to move from him. And he ended up moving with me. He agreed to go to marriage counseling.
Why I Cheated on My Husband (And Never Told)
Keep phone calls brief, and text only when necessary. The majority of your communication should be conducted through your designated email account. Buy a prepaid cell phone. A prepaid cell phone would allow you to communicate with your affair freely without worrying about the charges showing up on a monthly phone bill. If you do use a prepaid cell phone, be incredibly careful about not getting caught with it. Have an excuse prepared just in case your partner does end up finding it.
I Cheated on My Husband, and Here's What I Want You to Know
You might say that a colleague left it behind in the office and you forgot to drop it off to them on your way home, for example. Any questionable charges — hotel rooms, out-of-town businesses — will show up on your monthly statement. Suspiciously large charges such as dinners for two at a nice restaurant might also attract attention. Buy separate birth control. There is absolutely no reason that the amount of condoms or other birth control should fluctuate unexpectedly within a committed, monogamous relationship.
Missing or extra condoms are a flaming red flag. The birth control you use outside of your relationship should be kept completely separate from that you use with your partner. Buy separate condoms when sleeping with your affair. Throw away unused condoms before returning home instead of keeping them around.
Laugh at their suspicions instead of getting mad. Anger also transitions quickly into an argument, and arguments get drawn out and linger in the back of the mind. You want to avoid attaching lasting, negative memories to this conversation, and the best way to do that is to keep it from getting heated.
Simply act surprised or bewildered by the suspicions, as though it never would have occurred to you that you were acting in a questionable way. Talk to them about their suspicions. That resentment can also linger and fester, so you want to address this head-on. Promise to make an effort to work on those trust issues. A good partner will feel bad about making them worry, so assure them that even though they have nothing to worry about, you will make an effort to be more attentive to them.
Change some of your suspicious behaviour. If you let your partner speak honestly, they may have given you a list of specific concerns they have about your behaviour. If you change that behaviour without warning, it may only make them even more suspicious.
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However, if you have an open conversation with them about how you promise to change those behaviours, they will interpret your changed behaviours as dedication to working on your relationship. Stop the affair or put it on hold. If your partner is too on-target with their suspicions, it may be time to call off the affair, or at least put it on hold until the danger passes. Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. Already answered Not a question Bad question Other.
Now, if you do choose to cheat, please don't be an idiot. You're only going to hurt everyone a million times more if you're not careful in your actions. No one likes getting cheated on; the fewer people who find out, the fewer people who get hurt. I've cheated because I was bored, because I was drunk, because I was angry, because I wanted to.